i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
