Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize