Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
