id be glad to
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
