If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
