I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
