well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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