are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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