I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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