I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
