just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize