Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
