Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
