You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
