that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
