Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
