About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
