I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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