Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
