i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
