omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
