dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize