Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
