So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
