i permit you to call me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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