I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
