I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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