hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
