I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
