can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
