I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
