Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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