i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize