that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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