can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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