fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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