I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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