What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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