It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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