Whod you bang
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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