my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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