I think my vagina is haunted
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
