It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
