My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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