girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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