u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
