all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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