Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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