Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
