just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize