Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
