well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
