i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
