Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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