did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize