OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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