Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
