Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
