I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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