you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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