Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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