His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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