So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
