i can't believe i had my finger in that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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