i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
