Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
