i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
