Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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