WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
