Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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