Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
