I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
