the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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