Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
