guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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