Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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