His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
NoShamevember. You game?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
