is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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