dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize