WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize