get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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