Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize