so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
