his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
