I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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