Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
