Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
