Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
