I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
