my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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