she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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