i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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