its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ttyl tear gas
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
