You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
