My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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