Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
