You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
