My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
