And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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