My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
