Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
