You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
