Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
