I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
