Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
