The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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