Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
