Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
