Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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