Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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