Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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