What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
