i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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